Friday, March 26, 2010

Taking a beating

Have you ever seen those cop shows like CSI or Criminal Minds where the bad guy is beating up some poor helpless victim that is trying so hard to escape from the evil villain? The victim is usually running as fast as they can but they just can't run fast enough or they can't scream loud enough. It's almost as if their lungs have been ripped out of their chests. Finally the villain always catches the helpless victim and grabs them and throws them to the ground and they have them exactly where they want them. There are 2 ways the villain will kill the poor victim. They could end their misery quickly with a bullet. Or they could make them suffer....they could begin beating them. The victim is laying on the ground in the fetal position with their hands over their head trying their best to protect themselves. But the villain does not care...he just kicks them over and over and causes repeated pain. Out of the two scenario's, I feel like victim 2 that is getting kicked over and over and harder and harder.

Sitting in the Cardiologists office yesterday and hearing that he thought my heart has a blockage and that he felt I now have heart disease...totally crushed me. I'm supposed to go into the hospital on Monday to have a heart catherization.

The bottom line is that I hope that the CSI agents bust through the door and save me from my beating soon. Not sure how much more I can take.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


It's been a while since I last sat and wrote a blog....I guess it comes to that oh so wonderful saying "If you don't have anything nice to say than don't say anything." Everyday seems to be a huge struggle with the Dr's and insurance companies. I did have some blood results come in and the Dr's now say that there is a bacteria infection in my blood. They immediately put me on some strong antibiotics to try and stop the damage that bacteria in my blood could be doing to my organs...especially to my heart. After 7 days of antibiotics, if the levels have not lowered then they will be putting me in the hospital for 2 days worth of IV Antibiotics to kill the bacteria.

The Dr. says that I need to have this Nuclear Heart Test immediately but the insurance company is reviewing this request and making sure its not a pre existing illness(which it's not). To make a long story short, Gregg and I were able to get it approved and will be able to schedule the test within a couple days. They are waiting for a couple more things to be faxed over from my Dr's office and then I can schedule it. I don't think I've ever been so excited to be approved for something. Most people are thrilled when they are approved to purchase their first home or approved to get into the college of their dreams, or approved to purchase a sweet new ride but I was approved to have a heart test and felt as if I hit the lottery. Hearing this news, I fell on the couch and cried my eyes out on my husbands chest. It was a small victory in this huge ongoing saga that has taken over my life the past couple months.

I called the Dr's office yesterday to see if they could call the insurance company to give them the info they needed and I could hear the tone of her voice, and it just filled me with anger. Her voice had no urgency. She was just doing her job...I felt as if I was just a number. I said "listen...if I could call the insurance company and take care of this myself, I would but they need my Dr's office to call them and give them the information. I need someone that is going to go to bat for me and fight for me".

I've been replaying that scenario in my head and those words that came out of my mouth. "I need someone that's going to go to bat for me". In my last blog I spoke of Stephen Saxton telling me to be still and listen so with this one sentence replaying in my head was God telling me something. I felt as if God may be telling me, I AM going to bat for you not Bonnie from your Dr's office, not the review board from your insurance's me. It's always been me but you've been way to wrapped up in going nonstop to realize that I AM here for you and I WILL always be here for you.

This is to be continued.....I will let you know when I have a definite date of the nuclear heart test. Please pray that the bacteria has not found a home in my heart.