Sunday, February 21, 2010
I have been saying for years that I was going to start a blog of my life and I hate that I'm starting in the midst of health turmoil but I guess it's better late than never. Life right now for Kelly Therieau is a bit crazy. Two days before Christmas my hands went numb and I reluctantly went to the Dr. I found out that my health was in pretty bad shape. Now here we are 2 months later and we still have not figured it out what the culprit of the scare. The Dr's seem to think has to do with either my adrenal or pituitary gland. In fact they think it may be this scary word called tumor. Side note...whenever I hear the word tumor, I can't help but chuckle just a little bit because I think of Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie Kindergarten Cop. He says in his accent, "It's not a Tumor". Back to the story, on the other hand, in a land of happy and positive thoughts, it could just be stress. Isn't that crazy that stress has the capability of taking your life and body and just turning it upside down? In the world of Kelly, I've always been the type that worries about everything and thinks about everyone BUT herself. So now I've been forced to basically drop everything. The Dr. has told me that I need to "empty my life" until I can get it all under control.
Emptying my life means dropping something that has been driving me for the past 2 years. Axiom. Axiom is a student ministry that I've dedicated my heart and soul. I have developed a passion for students. I actually decided last year that I was going to work as a missionary and raise my own salary because I believe so much in students and the fact that they are capable of changing the world. I was helping build a "student mall" where middle school and high school students could come and be mentored and chill and basically be loved. With all of these amazing things came alot of stress and worry. I used to lay in bed and worry about each student. If I knew that kids were living in a tough home life, I would lay in bed and pray for them. Gregg and I were even willing to have one student who got kicked out of his home to come live with us but it ended up working out to where he was able to stay home. The bottom line is that this became who I am and with this whole illness thing has forced me to let it go. It has been so difficult to go from someone who is in the middle of it all and playing in the game to someone who is sitting on the sidelines.
This week I am going through all the further testing to see if there is a Tumor. I hope and pray that it's nothing.
What's God trying to tell me in all this mess? I know that everything happens for a reason but this one has my mind totally boggled. I know I should not question what God is doing but it's hard for me to not ask why? Why would God have me empty all the good I was doing with my life. I was serving. I was being obedient and a loving compassionate person. I can't help but have some anger about this whole mess.
So, my life at the moment involves me rarely leaving the house. I feel like crap. My body is so worn and tired which is one of the symptoms of this whole mess that's going on within my body. Even though I am feeling so poorly, I am so crazy thankful for my family. Gregg is the most understanding and loving man and has been taking care of me since day 1. And Sarah keeps me laughing so I don't have to think about all the "what if's".
I keep thinking that tomorrow is a new day and it may be a better day than the last. It helps when the sun is shining and the tempature is 65!